Sunday, January 24, 2010

Why Do I Do This To Myself???

About a year ago, just before I started blogging, I was deep into the clutches of Rate My Space. Every free moment I had was spent browsing their site for ideas and once I got up the courage I even downloaded some pix of my own spaces. I had huge expectations. Boy was I disappointed. I got mostly good ratings and nice comments, but it was the negative ones that I remembered. I took them to heart and interpreted them as a personal attack on my taste.

Eventually I stopped torturing myself altogether and decided it wasn't for me. Ironically, it was Rate My Space that brought me to Blogland, where life is much happier and uplifting. On my last visit to RMS, I saw a space that had me at hello.

After corresponding with the homeowner, I discovered she had a blog. It was the lovely Kristen from Kristen's Creations, who mentioned that she had a blog, and that she was more interested in blogging lately than RMS. It piqued my curiosity and after getting lost for hours in Kristen's blog, RMS became a distant memory. The rest is blogging history. Later, I learned that many of us started out on RMS and experienced the same sort of discontentment and rejection.

Well, I don't know what got into me ladies. Maybe after a year of being away from Hate My Space, and a year of blogging, which led to a year of completely redoing my entire house, I got the courage to try again. Big mistake. The very first comment I received was a negative one. The feelings of inadequacy came flooding back. Just like being back in High School. What was I thinking. I received 4 stars, whoopie (and why do I even care?), but it was that comment that I dwelled on once again.

It was my family room, one of my favorite rooms in the house. We spend most of our time here and I recently added some new pieces and rearranged some furniture after taking down the railing - remember that?


Apparently, this space is not conducive to conversation. The seating is way too far apart and the rug is a bit too small. This comment came from a woman who by the way, didn't have any of her own spaces on RMS, just likes giving her 2 cents on other spaces. Yes, I looked her up. Am I demented? Yes! But was she right? YES! She was right! The seating arrangement is not close together. She also suggested I move the sofas to focus around the fireplace. Another great idea!


Of course all of that would require moving the massive entertainment center that I promised hubby we would never have to move as long as we still lived in this house. It would also involve a call to the cable company to move the cable to a different wall. I would then have to patch the wall from moving the huge mirror that is anchored to the existing wall to add anchors to another wall (more ginormous holes).

Yeah. Easy peasy. And guess what? I actually considered it!! Went so far as to start moving my sofas closer together. Uh huh. I lived with it like that too. For.about.a.nanosecond. Then I got a V8 and put it all right back where is was. BECAUSE I LIKE IT THAT WAY!

I have discovered that I don't need approval. I don't need affirmation. I don't need compliments. And I most certainly don't need to feel like I'm 15 again. Don't want to. Don't need to. Don't have to. I've said it before ladies and I'll say it again. This is why I love blogging. It is uplifting. It makes me happy. It makes me glad to be a 40-year-old stay at home mom with ADD.
I've also discovered that I LOVE my home just the way it is, awkward layout, too-small rug and all. I love my old desk that sits in a corner and is broken and in disrepair.

I love my fireplace that sits a mile away from my sofas.

I love my $4 bargain table that hubby bought for me because he knew I'd love it.

And I love my entertainment center and mirror exactly where they are.

Does this mean I am through tweaking? Certainly NOT! I will tweak to my heart's desire, but I will do it to please myself. And because it's fun. And because I enjoy doing it. And sharing it with you.

So, you may be wondering what ever happened with Hate My Space? I did what any normal person on Prozac would do. I sucked it up, put on my big girl panties, and removed all of my pictures.......;)

36 comments:

Sherri @ Design2Shine said...

YEAH for you! Always always do it for YOU and your family! Nevah to please someone else's opinion. They don't live there ... YOU do! I love it like it is too. I too have a huge heavy entertainment center that can ONLY sit on one wall. Oh well, I work around it.

Pat@Back Porch Musings said...

Yep, I used to be over there, too.

Have you been by the Back Porch, today? I did a post about accessories and the "ins and outs". I'm sure I would be given what for, if I had put those crocks on RMS.

Use what you love is my new mantra.

Your room is beautiful.

Isn't it odd the ones who make the meanest comments don't ever show their spaces??;-)

Wendy said...

yeah for you! we are what makes our house a home! your home should reflect you...that is what makes it your's! I love that you moved your sofa's back!! I think it looks great!

Tricia said...

Good for you, Kim. I never posted any pics on RMS. I don't have thick enough skin. ;) I did browse it quite a bit before blogging though and I eventually stopped because I got so tired of people thinking that they were the decorating police!! I love your FR. It reflects YOUR family, as does your whole home. Who wants a home that everyone looks at and ooh's and aah's at, but doesn't feel right?! Ick.

Cheers to big girl panties and the power of the delete button. :)

XO*T

Nancy said...

Great post, Kim! I think you do a wonderful job with decorating. I figure there's only so many ways to arrange a room anyway; you've done great.

Nancy

Melissa Miller said...

LOL! Kim you are so cute! You are right. Do what you want with decor' in your own home if it makes you happy! Who cares what a silly and opinionated random stranger says.

I was on RMS as well about a year ago and got the same "your rug is too small" comment for my dining room. Ha!Ha! Maybe they should go out and buy us some bigger ones if they don't like them. My spaces are long gone from that site.....:)

Have a GREAT day! ~Melissa :)

Kristens Creations said...

Hi Kim, first of all thank you for your sweet comments about me!! I really appreciate them, you are too sweet! I'm so glad I put my blog adress on RMS, I almost didn't because I thought I might get in trouble for solicitation. I wasn't selling anything at the time but still wasn't sure about it. I just wanted some friends! Anyway, I'm glad you are not letting those Hate my spacers get to you...I uploaded my living room at Christmas and I think it's at a 3.6 or maybe lower, I haven't checked in a while. Sure there are people that might not like our rooms because of some little something. For example... they might hate red so they will give you a low rating. Also, some are just mean and give a 1 to everyone. I think your room is very pretty and cozy, you have done a wonderful job! I absolutly love the table your hubby bought for you. $4...what a buy! Have a great day! I'll send out your jar tomorrow...did you give me your address? I can't remember. Kristen

Simply Susan said...

{Clapping and wolf whistling very loudly} GOOD FOR YOU!!!

Maybe it has something to do with age...I'm not sure, but I am finally coming to the same conclusions you are. Good for both of us ;o)

Kristens Creations said...

P.S. I just remembered a comment someone left on my how to make a bow post...they said "That looks like someone vomited ribbons" lol! Kind of mean but funny!! I just laughed...

southerninspiration said...

High five, my sweet friend.......and it sounds like you made some profound observations about yourself and even "grew" a little bit.....anyway, yea, for you for realizing you didn't need that kind of affirmation. I love blogging, too! So glad you're my friend!

Suzanne

Paula said...

Our homes are to make us happy and our family comfortable. I'm like you, I like things the way I like them. I'm open to suggestions, but that doesn't mean I'm going to take any advice. Our family room would get torn to pieces on RMS, but it is functional for us and I think it looks pretty good. You have a great style and you certainly shouldn't be bothered by the criticism.

Carolyn said...

I enjoyed your post and good for you!

Carolyn

Blondie's Journal said...

Way to go, Kim. I enjoyed every word of this post!! I have never even been to RMS. My ego could not take it. I can't even get my living room to where my kids like it. There will always be a critic. blah, blah, blah... I am proud of you!

xoxo
Jane

Happy To Be/ Gl♥ria said...

Kim I also was on RMS for over a year...I wanted to burn my house down after I first posted...I kid you not I put my bedroom up and got told it looked like a warehouse of course I not spelling the real word they used..but it does have house in it ha ha!!
But girl I met some of the most awesome ladies on there that now have blogs and I still m friends with them they are like my extended family to me...I have laughed with them, cried with them and shared many funny emails with them...I remember one night we all posted our picture on one of our oldest post so we could see what each other looked like without RMS knowing...and going to Picket's porch every day just for our coffee it was like our own private bulletin board ha ha!!
But girl the cluttered cops got me big time also ha ha!! hey I got told my rug was floating and to love my fake flowers..ha ha!! Now I'm here in blogland and its so but much warmer...Hope you have a great day my friend...Hugs and smiles Gl♥ria

Glenda/MidSouth said...

I was never on RMS, and from what I have heard - glad was not. I am the one that lives in my home, so I decorate the way I want (at least what I can afford). Who are these people out there that decide they are qualified to .....OK - I will stop now, before I really get on my band wagon. :-)
Have a great week!

Sharlotte said...

Mallory,
I LOVED this post. I just read and read...because I was right with you!
I got hooked on RMS about a year ago, only because I was looking for ideas for my own home. I found all kinds of spaces and my heart just went out to people who had the courage to open up their homes {and hearts}to the world for inspection! I'm at the end of my 40's and the one thing I've learned is that you need to be true to yourself...you're ok...you were made to be JUST the way you are! I'll bet that even if you went to 10 different "professionals" you'd get 10 different opinions. So, again, I think you are smart to take your pics off...who needs negativity?! If you love your room, then it's perfect for you! BTW, I found blogland through RMS too. I haven't been back {to RMS} too much, I'm finding all the inspiration I need through wonderful, supportive, creative people who are NOTHING but KIND here is blogland. I'm happy for you that you have made such a bold decision to stand on your own two feet! Good for you! For what it's worth, I love your room. I looks so warm and relaxing...just perfect!
Sharlotte

Becca said...

Girl ... I'm sorry you ran into that, but, please do NOT even give people like that the time of day !! They are simply envious of your beautiful home and obvious talent ... and are reminded of the lack of their own creativity. The fact that they don't even have their own space(es) on RMS is a true indicator of that as well !! Keep showcasing your awesome talents !! And, by the way, I *just* saw your comment on my Xmas home tour ... you are too funny !! (And, thanks!) Hugs, Becca

Karen at Nittany Inspirations said...

I like you spent every free moment on RMS. I did get a lot of ideas from there. I learned what was outdated (wallpaper border, scalloped valances over the sink and brass in the bathroom). I saved kitchens I liked and found that the common denominator was white cabinets. I played it safe on my first post and posted my back yard. My second post was my newly remodeled kitchen. I found that high rated pretty rooms never changed. Then like you, I became a blogger.

Queenie said...

Hey Kim,
I Loved this post ...I know exactly how you feel about Rate My Space...that's where I started out too. So glad I am not over there anymore though, but I am forever grateful for it, because I met so many sweet people that I still love to death, that started blogs, after leaving rate my space. I would have never even known what a blog was had I not been at RMS...but I agree with everything you said about it. For a long time I took away all of my faux flowers after being criticized over there by the meanies...but I eventually brought them all back though, because they make me feel happy. I've decided that our homes are our own and they should be any way we want them. I love to tweak too! I was yardsalequeen over there, at RMS, thus my name Queenie was born from RMS friend Picket and other sweet girls that started calling me Queenie. We had some fun times over there, but blogging is so much more friendly, inspiring and fun.
By the way...I think your living room, with all of your own pretty touches here and there is gorgeous...just like you have it, I wouldn't change a thing. Gosh, I must be the most long winded commenter ever. I wonder if there is therapy for people like me that think they have to write a book! LOL!
Big Hugs,
Queenie

mustard seeds said...

You go girl.

Brittany said...

Good for you!! I've never even been brave enough to get started on RMS - I knew the negativity would get me down. The way I see it, if you love it - it's perfect :) If you set it all up to please someone else, you wouldn't love it as much! And for what it's worth, I think your space is beautiful! It's very warm and inviting...and I never even NOTICED the size of your rug :)

Donna said...

Kim, Your room is beautiful! Do not let other people influence you in the way you decorate. I love the rug and everything about the room!
Thank you for leaving such a sweet comment on my blog about my daughter Amber. It means so much to me that you took the time to let me know you care! I can't believe I won the tassel at Susan's blog! I think God did have a hand in it.
Now you quit fretting over your room ...its beautiful! :)
I am trying to become a follower ...Google won't let me right now GRRR!
Blessings,
Donna

Cottage Cozy said...

It's always a matter of taste and comfort....and what feels good to YOU! Don't mind what others say. I know it is hard sometimes...but that is the whole idea of RMS...to hear good and bad stuff, I guess! Your room looks great!

Ldy ~~ Dy said...

All I can say is... "Hummmf. thats right!". No one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you allow them to! I use to browse through RMS...but I was too shy to post anything. I noticed early on that some of the people on there were "meanie peanies". I like the way your room looks. But whats more important... you like it! When all is said and done... that's what matters!

Jen R. said...

You have beautiful things! I like to call it rip my space!!

Beverly @ The Buzz said...

You don't know how much I needed this post today! A few weeks ago, I sent pics of my bedroom to a blogger who consults for free. She posts your pics and her suggestions on her blog. Talk about mean spirited! I'm too embarrassed to comment because I don't want others to be able to know whose room it is and who she made all those snarky comments to. Like others have commented--it's my bedroom and I'll have it the way I want it! Now I'm off to the shed to bring back my silk plants--no matter what SOME PEOPLE think about them! Thanks again for the much needed boost.

Beverly @ The Buzz said...

I meant I'm too embarrassed to comment on her post about my bedroom. But maybe you already figured that out. Just clarifying.

Anonymous said...

Thank you :-) you should look at that emo boy hair on this blog:
http://emo--boys.blogspot.com

bj said...

O, darlin' girl...RMS was all i could think about for months. My grandkids teased me so much about it. And, like you, I FINALLY learned to get the heck outa there and start a blog. Kim at DAISY COTTAGE told me once that rooms should NEVER be rated...just loved. I will always remember that.
I love your beautiful room...it's so so pretty.

O, and my little grand, Deeds, and I love Hugh Grant..Music and Lyrics..her favorite song Pop Goes My Heart...I did it for her ! :)

The Tablescaper said...

Good for you. I was never into Rate my Space, but I've heard similar stories. I'm so glad you've found your place in your home.None of us need to go back to high school.

- The Tablescaper

Kristens Creations said...

Hi Kim, Market was unbelievable! There is so much it's almost overwhelming. When Sherry owned the shop we would buy a ton of stuff and my paycheck would usually be gone when everything started coming in. That's the only way I have what I have now! Sherry still buys some things for herself and booth up north, but we mainly go for fun now. I recieved the payment...$18 would have been fine...but thank you. I will be posting my jewelry soon! Thanks! Kristen

Stacey said...

Kim, what a great post! I found blogging through RMS also. Never posted anything there I just look at all the pretty rooms. It amazes me how rude people are on there. I guess because they are unseen they can say whatever. I would never have the nerve to post a room. Just like you said, it would fill me with anxiety and I don't need that!

Your room is perfect. It's big, cozy, lots of places to sit, all the things a family needs and loves. :)

recklessbliss said...

Hi! I just came across your blog and we have similar names domestic bliss and reckless bliss. You have a really lovely home, I would love for you to check out my blog if you get a chance. God bless!

Melissa Miller said...

Thank you for entering my Spring giveaway sweet friend! *Smiles*

Susan (Between Naps on the Porch) said...

Oh, I so know how you feel. I love your name for RMS...it can really be HMS sometimes. Blogland is a lot friendly, although in the last few months I've begun to get the occasional nasty comment...you know, the kind that are mean just for the sake of being mean, and no other purpose. Right about the same time a troll appeared and started leaving the occasional sick comment, I started getting those foreign language spam comments that were really advertisements, so I started moderating to keep them from posting. Well, wouldn't ya know, my troll disappeared as soon as they realized their mean comments would never see the light of day. :-) Yep, we do have control here in Blogland. :-)
I'm so glad you left your room exactly the way you want it. Personally, I think it's lovely as is! Your rug fits beautifully under your coffee table. LOVE the way you have the mantel decorated with the tall candlesticks...beautiful And what a wonderful DH you have to buy such a wonderful table that he knew you would love! :-)

Benita said...

Hi Kim ~
I just discovered your blog today and I can certainly relate to this story ! I too would love the approval of everyone and feel like I am doing something wrong if someone says something bad about my house ! I had pics of my house on RMS too and I got some bad comments because my house looked too clean & sweet !! Can you believe some people?? I am so glad that you are doing what makes you happy and decorating your home for your pleasure and not anyone else !! I think your home is fantastic : )
Hugs ~
Benita