I'm not good at "personal". A friend recently told me that I should open up more on my blog, share more of my personal side. I didn't think that was what my readers wanted. I just assumed as a home decor blog, my followers would be more interested in seeing pictures of my home. I don't even think I've been good at that lately.
Usually when I get stressed and start to feel overwhelmed I tell myself that it could always be worse, there are so many people who have bigger problems. Why am I getting down about a messy house and the fact that my sofa and loveseat don't match? Big deal.
About a month ago I realized I was feeling more than just a little down. I was feeling like I was unable to cope. I had taken myself off of my "happy"pill and feeling fine. But then the world seemed like it was crashing all around me and making it through the day felt like an impossible task. I'm not good at asking for help (except for my kids and my hubby who are wonderful in that department) and I became proud of the fact that I was able to run my own business while raising a teenager, a tweener and a baby. But the truth is, I suck at it.
This past weekend was sort of like the straw that broke the camel's back.
Clover Market was on Sunday and it was the best show we've ever had. The weather was perfect, the crowd was the biggest ever and our stuff was flying out of our booth. We were exhausted. Preparing for the show takes weeks of hard work and physical labor. Cleaning, prepping, painting, hauling large pieces of furniture back and forth. But seeing the looks on the customers' faces as they take home their new treasure makes it all worth it. Usually.
On Saturday afternoon I went with Denise to pick up the rental truck to begin the loading process. As I was maneuvering the truck out of the lot I hit the gate, taking off a huge chunk of the truck. In that instant I realized that all of my hard work was gone. All for nothing. I knew the insurance we took out on the truck wouldn't be enough to cover the damage. It was a devastating blow.
Another sleepless night and now my body aches all over. Amy had a follow-up appointment with her gastro doctor for her Celiac Disease. It should have been uneventful, even good as we were hoping to find out that she was no longer lactose-intolerant. My poor sweet Amy has dealt with so much suffering over the past year and bless her heart the only thing she cared about was being able to drink milk. She didn't understand why I cried when the doctor told me she now has acid reflux, will need to see a Urologist for another problem, and when it's time to go to college she will not be able to live in the dorms. She is going to need special housing for kids who are sick.
I went to bed at 7 last night, praying for a good night's sleep, but the thought of getting up early this morning for Cole's occupational therapy evaluation kept me awake. The team was great and after a thorough evaluation they told me that my sweet baby boy has all of the early warning signs of Autism. Somehow I wasn't surprised. I'm not ready to label him just yet and there really is no reason to, but I still feel numb.
I called my Doctor last week and explained that I was in bad shape. He immediately put me back on my meds and just the thought of knowing they are in my system has me feeling better.
None of this is Earth-shattering. It's all manageable. And in time I'll look back on this as a low. Cause that's all it is. A bump in the road. I'll be taking a break from Clover Market and any future shows. There will be time for that at some point in my future. But for right now, I'm needed here at home.
Thanks for listening. I'm going to go make some lemonade...