Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Lemons...

I'm not good at "personal".  A friend recently told me that I should open up more on my blog, share more of my personal side.  I didn't think that was what my readers wanted.  I just assumed as a home decor blog, my followers would be more interested in seeing pictures of my home.  I don't even think I've been good at that lately.

Usually when I get stressed and start to feel overwhelmed I tell myself that it could always be worse, there are so many people who have bigger problems.  Why am I getting down about a messy house and the fact that my sofa and loveseat don't match?  Big deal.

About a month ago I realized I was feeling more than just a little down.  I was feeling like I was unable to cope.  I had taken myself off of my "happy"pill and feeling fine.  But then the world seemed like it was crashing all around me and making it through the day felt like an impossible task.  I'm not good at asking for help (except for my kids and my hubby who are wonderful in that department) and I became proud of the fact that I was able to run my own business while raising a teenager, a tweener and a baby.  But the truth is, I suck at it.

This past weekend was sort of like the straw that broke the camel's back.

Clover Market was on Sunday and it was the best show we've ever had.  The weather was perfect, the crowd was the biggest ever and our stuff was flying out of our booth.  We were exhausted.  Preparing for the show takes weeks of hard work and physical labor.  Cleaning, prepping, painting, hauling large pieces of furniture back and forth.  But seeing the looks on the customers' faces as they take home their new treasure makes it all worth it.  Usually.

On Saturday afternoon I went with Denise to pick up the rental truck to begin the loading process.  As I was maneuvering the truck out of the lot I hit the gate, taking off a huge chunk of the truck.  In that instant I realized that all of my hard work was gone.  All for nothing.  I knew the insurance we took out on the truck wouldn't be enough to cover the damage.  It was a devastating blow.

Another sleepless night and now my body aches all over.  Amy had a follow-up appointment with her gastro doctor for her Celiac Disease.  It should have been uneventful, even good as we were hoping to find out that she was no longer lactose-intolerant.  My poor sweet Amy has dealt with so much suffering over the past year and bless her heart the only thing she cared about was being able to drink milk.  She didn't understand why I cried when the doctor told me she now has acid reflux, will need to see a Urologist for another problem, and when it's time to go to college she will not be able to live in the dorms.  She is going to need special housing for kids who are sick.

I went to bed at 7 last night, praying for a good night's sleep, but the thought of getting up early this morning for Cole's occupational therapy evaluation kept me awake.  The team was great and after a thorough evaluation they told me that my sweet baby boy has all of the early warning signs of Autism.  Somehow I wasn't surprised.  I'm not ready to label him just yet and there really is no reason to, but I still feel numb.

I called my Doctor last week and explained that I was in bad shape.  He immediately put me back on my meds and just the thought of knowing they are in my system has me feeling better.

None of this is Earth-shattering.  It's all manageable.  And in time I'll look back on this as a low.  Cause that's all it is.  A bump in the road.  I'll be taking a break from Clover Market and any future shows.  There will be time for that at some point in my future.  But for right now, I'm needed here at home.

Thanks for listening.  I'm going to go make some lemonade...

17 comments:

Christina said...

I am praying for you and your family! This is a real low point for you but there are many highs ahead for you and your family. Believe...

Shenita @ Embellishments by SLR said...

Kim, I'm going to be praying for you and your sweet family. These times come to all of us, when we feel that, "if it ain't one thing...it's two!". But, we always get to a point where we can look back and see that it was just a "blip" on the radar. Take the time that you need with your family. That's what's important!

Calypso In The Country said...

Kim,
I am so sorry to hear you are going through so much now. I am sure it feels like things are coming at you from every direction. You sound like you are staying on top of all the important things though. Try to spend as much time as you can with your family and people who are helpful to you. I am sending positive thoughts your way.
-Shelley

Veronica said...

Hi Kim,
Just want to say that you will be in my prayers along with your family. We all have rough times like these, but just remember the Lord is right beside you, helping you every step of the way. None of these events has taken Him by surprise...He Knows...He Cares...He will bring it to pass...
Be Encouraged!
Veronica

stephanie said...

I love when you get personal!! Think of all the prayers you will be getting!!You are not alone. Sending you good thoughts and warm wishes! Don't forget to take care of yourself, your family needs you!

Kimberly said...

Thanks for being "personal", Kim! We all have rough times like these are you are doing the right thing by staying close to home. Keep us posted on your family and how you are doing.

Sherry said...

Hey Kim,
I'll definitely be keeping you and your family in prayer. (((Hugs))) to you.
Sherry

Stacey said...

Kim, if I were there I'd give you a big hug and hand you a Diet Coke. Life has a way of just piling up sometimes. I sometimes chant to myself to take it one thing at a time and I pray a lot! I wish I could say that makes me feel lots better but it doesn't always. Sometimes I just break out cussing! True. :) It makes me feel better for the moment.

There's plenty I would like to say to you that has to do with thinking positively....it's easier to tell someone those things than to apply them to your own situation.:)

Just know that I'm thinking about you. If it makes you feel any better, I'll just tell you that we have been going through issues with our son who is 20 that we never thought we would deal with. You aren't alone....

Glenda/MidSouth said...

You have a lot going on in your family right now. Take it a day at a time. Most everyone who has raised children has had to deal with stressful/emotional situations at one time or another. (((hugs)))
Be sure and take care of yourself also.

Ricki Jill Treleaven said...

Kim,
I would love to be of some help if you ever need it. I have a daughter with an IEP, and I can walk you through what you need to be doing now for your son. I know it seems overwhelming right now. If you ever want to talk, you can email me and I will give you my #.

(((((hugs))))),
Ricki Jill

Allyson Pecilunas said...

Kim, I think we all have moments like this and trust me I have had quite a few! Everything will work out for your family things always do. I will pray for you guys, sometimes it feels like its just not ever going to end. There will be an end somewhere!! Take all of the time you need to focus on yourself and your family. That is far more important than decorating!

Deanne said...

Praying for you and your family Kim!
Hoping you are feeling stronger soon.

My acid reflux disappeared after I took sugar out of my diet. Is your little boy GF too? I have heard some great success stories when autistic kids have gone GF and dairy free, can turn them around completely!

Melinda said...

Blessings and prayers for you and your family.
Take all the time needed.

I worked with children with Autism, if you need helpor have ??s
let me know!

M :)

Carrie said...

I stopped reading and started praying, Kim. Life is so hard, but God is soverign and I know He will carry you through this difficult time.

Shanee @ LivingLifeSouthernStyle said...

Kim, thanks so much for sharing. I was checking blogs this morning because we are being tossed about by life's storms right now and I was struggling with having faith when I want to just have a pity party. When I read your post I realized that I need to be still in the Lord and our problems will resolve....while I am doing so I am praying for you and your family.

Susan said...

Kim, I'm so sorry to hear about all that you have been dealing with. Sometimes it is good to let it all hang out and share what you are going through. Just know that you are not alone in your moments of stress and sleepless nights. At least now that you are on your Happy Pills again, you will have better coping skills. I know I have been taking mine for 19 years now. Sometimes they make all the difference in how I manage my life.
Take care and give yourself a well deserved break. (((Hugs)))

Linda Young said...

Just read this post and saw how many things were piling up on you! It's scary when your children have problems, but I think you are handling them well,and getting good medical advice.
My prayers go out to you and your precious family, that you will be healthy and strong. I see from the comments that so many others care and understand, and send their kind thoughts and prayers too. You know that this is just a rough time and that things will be better, and I see from more recent posts that things already seem much brighter. I think you do such amazing things with your lovely home, your business, your children, and the demands sometimes get to be too much. No one can do everything all the time.
Keep looking up, make sure you get your rest and don't be afraid to ask for help. You expect too much of yourself! When you get a bad cold or something, you just have to let some things go and take it easy. Hope you are feeling much better by now! Love, Linda